My Once a Decade Moment of Sappiness - For my friends

What is friendship? Real and true friendship, is it something that you experience in a moment? A brief fleeting pearl of time when you make a connection so strong that you feel like you have known each other for a life time? Is relationships that tend like a tree in an orchard, carefully pruning away the lifeless branches, giving others room to bloom and bear fruit? Is it stable and strong providing you with a firm place to leap from? Safety and security in a storm? Is it pliable, bending and swaying with the rhythms of life?

Is a friend someone you talk to every day? Someone with whom you have a brief encounter? That person who calls you up in the middle of the night to celebrate a small triumph or grieve over a great woe? Is it the person that only calls every two years, but it feels like you have never been apart? Someone to tell your secrets to, the one with whom all your pretenses easily fall away and sees you for who you really are?

Are they sources of strength in their quiet acceptance? Are they fountains of spontaneity, pulling you into shenanigans you would never do on your own? Do they push you dig deeper, fly higher, and try harder? Give you permission to rest, to cry, to laugh when no one else understands? Can you believe great dreams with them or simply be?

Do you fight, love, and become who you would hope to be in their presence? Do they call you on your garbage, especially when it is aimed at yourself? Do they let you wallow in self pity and then pull you out of the pits of despair when the timer goes off? Is honesty tempered with love? Is strength softened with compassion?

Can you hold their hands and watch as their world crumbles before them, because you know they stood by you when yours came crashing down? Do you ache with their pain when they lose it all? Does their tragedy rip at your heart, even as you hold it together to be a haven for them?

In my life, I have been blessed with a handful of friends. People who have been one or all of these things to me, for me, and ones for whom I hope to be the same for them. For a few of us, our lives are so entangled that you cannot tell where one life starts and the other begins. We have shared it all joy, triumph, heartache, fear, and hope. We dream our biggest dreams together, and we gently ground each other when we try to fly higher than our wings were made to go. We have held each other up when the world has rolled beneath our feet, leaving us to wonder if this life too cruel to be endured.

They are friends who listen to my midnight rants, and for them no call comes to late or early. They are the ones who call me on delusions of grandeur but refuse to let me accept the title of victim. They are the voices that remind me to be honest with myself, but to attempt great things. They are the ones who will pick me up when I need a ride, invade my fortress of solitude, and push me into the deep end. I love them because they are gentle with my frailties, and tough on my stupidity.

I have friends that I met once, and like sisters separate at birth we struggle to fit an entire lifetime of stories into a single afternoon. Laughing and sharing scars as we recognize one who knows us without being told, but taking delight in the telling. These friends are like a glass of fine wine – savored, enjoyed, and remembered fondly with a smile. They are the ones I wish I could call back into my life, but time and distance makes it impossible, so we rest in the comfort of knowing merely that they exist. Waiting for the day when perhaps there will be another few moments of indulgence.

Each friendship so different, valuable and beautiful for their uniqueness, and what they have brought to my life. Each making my world a little larger, a little less lonely, and little more of an adventure. They have helped me see myself better, and they have loved me as I am. You have helped me love me a little better, and with you I have learned to enjoy who I am. It is one of the greatest gifts a human being can give to another.

So there it is, my one moment of sappiness for this decade. I know I can count on all my true friends to torment me unmercifully about it. I love you any way.

S-ingle A-wareness D-ay draweth nigh!

This is a repost from last year, and although I have become a convert, I wanted to remember all my single friends out there.

Warning: The following post is a public service announcement for those of you who have forgotten what it is like to be single on the 14th of February. Out of respect for those who observe the great holiday of S.A.D., I have used the traditional and sacred language of sarcasm. For those unfamiliar with this particular dialect, please be aware that superlative must be invoked and extremism is mandatory. Do not interpret the text too literally.

Single Awareness Day is encroaching once again.

For those of you who are unaware of this holiday, congratulations. We are aware that many have chosen not to follow in the observance of SAD and chose instead the media endorsed Valentine’s day. As we live in a free country this is your right, but please do not disregard our grand tradition.

You may have to overlook the fact we snarl a bit at the images of naked baby cherubs with bows and arrows, or that we grouch about the multitude of roses that seem to magically appear in the dead of winter. You may need to look into your heart to find a smidgeon of forgiveness if we scoff at the idea of true love and all its joys. These are sacred customs for us, a reminder of our own self sufficiency and that we really don’t need chocolate as much as the next girl. Candlelit dinners are for people who don’t like to look at who they are dining with and heart shaped balloons are a frivolous waste of money.

It is a great divide in our ideologies that as brothers and sisters in Christ we must overlook, and it is but a single day. So enjoy what you so erroneously refer to as Valentine’s Day, and we will try to overlook your extravagance in folly.

I know there are few of you who pity us and believe that it is your duty to convert us, to show us the joy of your holiday, but please understand that you are wasting your time and possibly posing a threat to your well being. However, there always seems to be at least one of you who think that you can help us see the error of our cynicism and find this to be a great excuse. Allow me to offer some helpful advice on how to be real friend to the single person in your life.

1.Do NOT set them up for a blind date on this day. We have vivid imaginations and you cannot imagine the miraculous things we believe might happen if we have dinner with the right person on this night. Way too much pressure, besides there is some crazy atmospheric thing that happens making everyone either terribly attractive or just terrible. Set ups on this night won’t work. Save our friendship and do NOT do it.

2.Do NOT try to make us feel better by sending us flowers at work. It is humiliating enough to be the only girl without a bouquet on her desk. Do not make it worse by making us confess to co-workers that the flowers are really from our mother, gal pal, or a male friend who felt pity for us.

3.Do NOT tell us about your great plans unless we ask. Some of us are working very hard to forget that this day even exists. Others of us are masochistic and derive some sort of twisted joy out of this added reminder of all the things we are missing out on. Your call as to whether you are helping or hurting by filling in all the details of how great your significant other is. Just be aware of what you are doing.

4.Do NOT complain to us about how you only got one rose, dinner was not as fancy as you think it should be, or he/she did not even get you a card. This is for your own safety. I once saw a woman beaten with a baseball bat when she complained all her husband did for her on Valentine’s Day was fix the car. For those of us gals who fix the car ourselves this better than flowers and we sometimes are compelled to mete out proper punishment to those who fail to appreciate what they have been given.

5.Do NOT tell us we are beautiful people who deserve to have someone great in our lives. We know that, and that is why we chose to remain single – no one great enough has come along. Keep the sad faces for funerals, and don’t destroy our illusion by pointing it out. (It’s bad enough when we lie to ourselves, but when you do it we want to choke you.)

6.Do NOT tell us that Paul said that it is better to be single. He also wrote it is better to marry than to burn and some of us are blazing infernos.

7.Do NOT tell us that Jesus is all we need. As true as that may be, he has never sent flowers in a crystal vase, whipped out a credit card with his name on it for dinner, or sent me diamonds. And really is this the proper time to heap condemnation over our lack of faith on top of the rejection and abandonment issues we are already facing?

8.Do NOT ask us to help you chose a gift for your significant other. You have them, you deal with your responsibilities. This includes having us tag along to any store or part of a store that is decorated with heart shaped boxes, flowers, pink balloons, jewelry, or perfume.

9.Do NOT suggest that we get out of the house that night and do something for ourselves. Alone, in the dark, moping is preferable to watching all you couplers moon over each other in public.

10.Do NOT ask us to babysit your children. Why should we make it easy on you?

Do remind us that candy is half off on the 15th (if all you greedy hogs haven’t sucked all the joy from the atmosphere on the 14th). Do accept our compliments on your new ring, necklace, or bouquet with grace, but change the subject quickly. We are just being polite, please return the favor. Do let us mope a bit without trying to fix us. After all that is part of our sacred ceremony, a complex observance with seemingly conflicting symbols and creeds, but it makes complete sense to those of us who have accepted this holiday as our own.

Remember that we still love you even if you have been sucked into this holiday of mass consumerism posing as a holiday of love. Let’s just get back to normal as soon as possible, okay? (And if you do know a great Christian Single, tell us about them – but wait until at least the 16th. Who know by next year you may change our minds.)

Tell me your story

Emily wrote a few weeks ago about telling a story.  I’d like to explore a different side of storytelling: getting to know your Christian and non-Christian friends.  If we take time to engage our friends in telling us something about their life, we able to put our friends into context and better understand them.

Let me give a couple of quick examples.  My wife and I recently had an older couple from church in our home for Sunday lunch.  The husband told me of feeling like he was being called in the ministry at an early age.  He attended a Christian college and worked full-time to support his family.  One morning he woke up, had a couple of cups of coffee, and never went back to college.  He had been negatively impacted by a young minister who said “every time the doors are open you should be here”.  The minister didn’t understand the stress of college, supporting a family and working full time.  Now the good news is my older friend is still in service to his local church and God.  Since he told me a portion of his life story, I can now better understand, relate to him and fellowship with him.

Over the past couple of years, my wife and I have gotten to know a hard working college student.  Sometimes, it seems as if she never sits down and rests.  While getting to know her, we found out she found her father dead on her birthday after having gone to the store, with her mother, to buy a birthday cake.  Add on top of this, her dad had supplied her with family details in case something happened to him.  So, she was the leader of the family and responsible for taking care of the family.  This background illuminates why she is a very focused and driven young person.  I have no doubts that she will achieve her goals.

Before we can touch someone’s life, we must know something about them.  This means taking interest in their life by listening to their stories.  Without their stories, we cannot understand why they believe something, behave a particular way, or live their life a certain way.  Think once again of the classic example: Jesus and the woman at the well.  We don’t have the full, all encompassing story but we have enough to see that Jesus was personally interested in the woman’s life.  Also, Jesus listened to her words to know more about her.

I believe one of the biggest tragedies of modern life is: we do not spend enough time listening to other people’s stories.  We are so busy with day-to-day activities that we do not stop and quietly listen to someone.  We are creating a task list in our head, thinking of where we need to be or trying to think of a reply to the person’s story that we miss the intimate details and sub-text within their story.  So the next time someone begins to tell you their story put your brain in neutral and really listen.  You just might be surprised by what you learn about the person and their life.

The Ripple Effect

Last week as we were preparing for the Splendor and Holiness Worship Seminar, we received word that a friend of ours had died. The news was upsetting and bewildering. In reality, I can’t say that I knew him all that well. I had spoken to him a handful of times, listened to him preach on a few occasions, spent an evening at his home, and had the opportunity to paint at his church once. We were by no means the best of friends, there is much about him that I did not know, but he was one of those people who you always wanted to have one more conversation with. Someone you wanted to get to know better, and suddenly the chance is gone.

Death has a way of putting life into perspective. As one writer put it, “Death does not negate life, but defines it.” Death leaves the living to put into words what this person meant to them, who we thought they were, and reveals who they truly were.

If I were to compile a check list of facts that I knew about him, they would be few, trivial really. His name, his wife, and a few kids, I vaguely remember. His conversion story was unique and I retain merely a hazy recollection, not enough to retell, but it is not my story to tell anyway. As I consider this man, a man that some may say I only knew superficially, I can’t help but think of the ripple effect of his life. I him met in a time when I realized that Christianity as I knew it was insufficient to meet the needs of my life. A time when I was being forced to reconcile who I was as an artist with who I was as a Christian. It was a time when I was being led away from mere head knowledge of God into an experience that my traditions had not prepared me to face. It was a time of great questioning and learning.

The pastor of my church had visited this man’s church and saw the artists who worshipped through their painting. When he returned he told me about the painting that happened in this other church and extended the invitation for me to do the same in ours. It was a life changing experience, and continues to be.

Later, Nathan and I traveled to Dallas with our friend Craig Conaway to visit with this new type of preacher. The conversations we had with our friend were way over my head. Terms like post modern and emerging church were thrown about, I was lost but I did my best to keep up. I met Justin and Kelly Nygren that night, and years later still value their friendship. I cannot even begin to quantify the world that opened up for me that night, but I do know it is one I would come to love.

With Justin, Kelly, and Craig, the conversation from that night continued. Nathan and I were introduced to new ideas and concepts that led us to the creation of Pagus. Our friend may not have been physically present for these discussions, but his influence was keenly felt. I have a feeling it will be for a long, long time.

Ripples. We all make them. You can’t step into the water without making your presence known. We see the light breaking off the water around our feet, dancing away from our legs as the river accommodates our presence. The small waves finally dissipating into the distance, and we begin to believe that the water forgets that we disturbed its easy flow.

The thing is you never know where the ripple you make will break, pushing along a lazy leaf, lapping against a dry land, or causing the cattails to dance. We lack the sight to see how our lives push against another, shaping them, stirring an idea, awakening a dream all from the ripples of our lives. A single step into the water may be the thing that nudges another into a current, propelling them towards their dream.

I regret that my friend did not know how his life rippled across mine, and now yours, but his death makes me wonder if the ripples of my life bless those around me. In the end, I would like to think that when I disrupted the water’s flow a few of you were nudged deeper into your purpose, into your dream, or that I at least made the cattails dance in the wake of my existence. The water never forgets that we are there, it is only we who forget. Don’t ever lose sight of the power of your life to influence change in the life of another. It may only be the slightest ripple but sometimes that is all it takes to correct a course and urge someone deeper into their destiny.

Putting it all Together – Part 12 Failing and Winning, and Gold Medal Performances

This past weekend was the Splendor and Holiness Worship Seminar in Muskogee. For those of you were not there we missed you, but for those of you who were able to make thank you for choosing to spend the afternoon with us. And lest I forget, for our readers and fans in the Norman, Dallas, and Tulsa areas, we will be in your area soon.

Nathan, Micci, and I spent a great deal of time Saturday night and Sunday discussing how the Seminar went. The largest portion of the discussion was about how you rated such an event. Do you go by attendance? People’s comments? Set up and tear down went phenomenally smoothly? Barbie did a great job MC-ing? The food was great or the technology worked? The fact that I did not fall flat on my face as I stepped onto the stage? Nathan wasn’t grouchy?(He gets that way when he doesn't get fed regularly.) The answer is yes.

The problem is what point value do you give everything.

If you looked at attendance, we would have hoped that more people would have turned out, but we were greatful those who did attend. And we have to believe that those who should have been there were the ones that God directed there. We also have to factor in that we are not the well known yet, and that we did not have large a church backing for this event. We did all through the graciousness and willingness of those few people who believed enough in our vision to get on board and help. There was some supernatural provision that we were humbled to receive.

This is, for the most part why set up and take down went so well, and the technology worked. It is why the food was delicious. People jumped in and did what they could, and it was sufficient for the need. In fact, it was greater than the need.
Some things did not surprise us. We knew that Barbie would be the perfect host for the day. She has a gift as a speaker and she presented our vision well. Not to mention that she presented Nathan and me well. (In fact, she played up my strong points so nicely that I am considering taking her dates so that she can tell my suitors just how amazing I am.) We also knew Sarah would shine as the official Pagus chef, and she did. (I am even greatful for leftovers, they made a nice lunch today.)

We knew Laurie and Tammi would pitch in and keep the behind the scene stuff rolling smoothly. We knew Calen and Crystal would do anything we asked and then some. I have yet to see the photos of the day, but I have no worries that David and Patricia will make us look good. Even our collective kids jumped in where they were needed to fill in the gaps. And good friends loaned us things like video cameras and tripods when we needed. It was truly the result of united hearts, united in vision, purpose, and love for God and his truth.

A unified people is a powerful people, able to make the impossible possible, and we did that Saturday. It was moment when we were able to operate as Christians should operate. Focused on the greatness of our God and a desire that we share our revelation of him with others.

Last night was the closing ceremonies for the Olympics, and as I consider the roller coaster ride of the last week, I think it was fitting that our timetables collided. The games are time when people who share a passion and drive come together, yes to compete, but also in celebration of the disciplines by which they live their lives.

The passion that drives them is rewarded, not always with a medal, but with the cheers of others who believe in them.

This week there was a stir about the Russian figure skater who was the only one able to jump the quadruple axle. The strength and coordination needed for that is staggering, but as impressive as it was, one great jump did not compare the artistry of the American skater. Both men competed for a medal, but as I watched their faces, I realized that one competed only for a medal. He had lost the joy and the beauty of his sport in the quest. The other man still knew the value of bringing excellence to each aspect of his program. In the end, all the nuances he brought to his performance outweighed the power of his competitor, and he walked away with the Gold.

And maybe Pagus can’t jump a quadruple axle yet, but hopefully we make up for it in our artistry. We may not have the skill or means to do it all, but what we do do, we do well.

So once again, thank you to everyone who helped make Splendor and Holiness Muskogee possible. Remember us in your prayers as we prepare for Metamorphosis – Norman on April 17, 2010. The adventure is just beginning.