Training Wheels - Baby, It's Cold Outside

I haven’t written anything in this series for awhile because it has been rather chilly out. So Ole Blue has been sitting alone in the garage waiting for warmer weather. What I am amazed to find is how much I find myself missing my husband during this cold. Oh, he’s still around, but that part of him I only see when we are out riding is in winter hibernation too.

I was thinking this morning how much I would love to go out with him, but then the wind howled and I remembered how much I hate being cold. Ty knows this so he’s acted like he is content to wait it out but I know it is only for my sake. One of the main reasons we haven’t gone out in this weather is largely because I am not properly outfitted and the budget has not allowed us to get me all the gear I need.

Ty did buy me a set of leather chaps, which for those of you who don’t ride is not just a fashion statement but a necessity for blocking the wind. It is a start but there are still some things, like gloves and a good jacket, which I need. And Ty is unwilling to subject his delicate little wife to such hardships.

For the first time, this morning I realized something. There are points in our walk with God when it seems like you never get to do any of the fun stuff, like you are stuck at home and you aren’t going anywhere soon. You know that he is still there, waiting to take you out on that next great adventure, but that’s all you seem to be doing – waiting. It is like God is in hibernation and you can’t wake him up. You miss him, and no matter how often you assure yourself that he hasn’t left you, that the adventures of last summer really did happen and will happen again, you know you are missing out now.

It got me to thinking that maybe the reason is he loves us. He knows that we aren’t outfitted to endure the hardship that we would have to face if we struck out now. Maybe he is waiting until we have our gloves and jacket. Maybe he is adding piece by piece the protective gear we need so that we can go where he wants to take us next. Maybe he is just as anxious to begin as we are, but he wants to protect us until we are ready and the weather is right.

Ty wants all our trips together to be an experience, a chance for us to really enjoy the journey together, and I think that my husband doesn’t want one miserable ride to influence the way I view this special time together. So he waits for the time to be right, for the conditions to be suitable. He’s never left me behind to go and enjoy the adventure alone. He stays and he waits when I know he would rather be riding. And I have told him to go and enjoy, I will be here when he gets back, but he just smiles and finds something to do around the house. Some quiet domestic duty that he handles so well, but seems odd for my biker husband to be at peace with.

Somehow, I get the impression God’s a lot like that. Piddling around the house, waiting, not wanting to spoil our experience by taking us out before we are ready. Yes, he could go out and we would be here when he got back, but he’d rather have us with him. So this mighty creator of the universe waits, working on our spiritual plumbing, replacing our hinges, and changing our spiritual oil. Out of place and oh so domestic for one so great but this is what love does to us. It doesn’t negate who we are, but it sometimes requires that we slow down so the ones we love can catch up and be truly ready to join us.

So I am praying for a warm and sunny day when Ty doesn’t have to work, and a chance to take the tags off those new chaps. It will be fun to have my husband back again, and in the mean time, I'm learning to appreciate having him piddling around the house. He’s taking care of what needs attention now. I am sure God is too.

When God Does the Dishes

Waiting makes me sick, not in some abstract way, but in a very real gut wrenching, stomach twisting way. I am not talking about waiting in line or waiting on traffic. I am talking about waiting to see how things are going to turn out, how things are going to be accomplished. I want all the facts in my hand, and I want to arrive at a brilliant conclusion.

It’s the limbo that drives me crazy. It is what keeps me awake at nights and causes me to say and do stupid things. I have this thing in my brain that says if you talk about a problem long enough it will all work out. The thing is sometimes I just need to shut up and see how things are going to turn out. But like I said, I hate waiting. Talking seems to offer me at least the illusion of being proactive in the situation, (that should be read as “in control of the situation”, the other way just sounds better), when all I am really doing is muddying the waters.

Now God is faithful, and He has a way of taking our flaws and working them over. Usually this means He is going to provide us with lots of opportunities to get it right, which really means He is going to give us lots of opportunities to fail. And I tend to make the most of these chances, which means I usually fail in creative and new ways.

I am having to learn that God’s time is not my time. I keep telling Him if He would speed things up a bit I could get so much more done, but He has yet to take my advice, go figure. I know that is Sunday School lesson 101, but there is a huge difference in remembering and knowing. I know that He has it all under control and He will take care of me, but I hate the fact that His perfect way of doing things means I am left twisting in the wind a little too often to suit my tastes.

Honestly, it is probably a good thing that I was not one of the people walking around the walls of Jericho. I don’t think I could have kept my mouth shut for seven days. About the third time around, I would have been looking for a pick axe because I would have been sure that Joshua misheard the directions and we needed to be busy doing something more productive than waiting on God. By the fourth time around, I would have probably trying to get Joshua to stop and explain all that nonsense to me one more time. And the fifth time, I would at least be sure that I was scuffing away little more sand from the base of wall with each step, if I hadn’t decided to wash my hands of the whole thing.

Fortunately for me, God hasn’t called me to undergo such a grueling ordeal. Right now we are working on the small stuff. I let Him dry my dishes. He takes forever, but eventually He gets the job done. And let me tell you it is torture. No matter how much I nag Him, He never picks up the pace, but I am getting better.

Learning to wait isn’t about trying to slip into some comatose state of being. It is about finding out how deep your trust really goes. It is about learning how to separate the things you are responsible for from the things that you aren’t. It is about finding that balance between sheer laziness and finding peace in the midst of the unknown. It is about acknowledging He is God and you aren’t.

For me it is the ultimate position of surrender. It is not restful or serene. It is an act of sheer will most of the time. Not because I don’t think God can handle it, but rather I think I can handle it better. I don’t like turning loose of control, real or perceived. I like to think that my actions are what affect change, that somehow God can’t get it done without me. It is a time where I have to put down my pride and my own sense of accomplishment. At these times I have to lay aside all the attributes that my friends usually praise me for so that He can receive the glory.

I have to step out of the spot light for a moment and stand in awe of Him. I need to experience the wonder of what He can do apart from me, and if the Grand Canyon is any indication He’s got it covered in ways that I can only begin to imagine. And if I need to talk about it that’s okay too, as long as I take my conversation to Him. He understands I am impatient, and sometimes I think He even finds the quality a little endearing, but He knows that I need to learn how to simply be with Him. Because that is right where He wants me, there at His side witnessing what He wants to accomplish in my life.