Who are you? This was the question asked as I shared about the upcoming worship seminar, Splendor and Holiness. It was a strange question, but an appropriate one. Who am I? It is one I would be asking if someone approached me and said they had something to teach me about this faith that I have known from childhood. It is one I have asked as people have stood before me on stages, behind podiums, and across tables and spoke, they claimed, on behalf of God.
There is something in me that rises up with a challenge anytime I hear someone teach, and one I appreciate in others who dare to consider my words. My faith is sacred and something I guard tenaciously, carefully sifting through all outside influences, checking their references and vetting them thoroughly before allowing their words to settle in my heart and mind.
And so here I was, being pinned like a bug with my own question, a mirror of my own skepticism, and it was most uncomfortable even as I respected the questioner’s reserve. Who am I? Or really, and more precisely the question was, why should I listen to you?
How I wish there was some tidy way of summing this up without sounding like an arrogant twit. If there is I haven’t found it. It sounds pompous to site degrees, and even a bit hypocritical, especially since I am far too aware of the number of buffoons who hold multiple degrees. If you know my story but not my heart, I can come across as a pretty dubious character. If you look at circumstance and cold facts, I am not terribly impressive, and I say this not out of some sense of false modesty but based on some rather bitter facts.
It is painfully funny how unaware we can be of our own flaws, and typically not who I am. I tend to over analyze everything, beginning and ending with myself. So I as I was confronted by this question, one I know intimately, I realized that all this time, for decades now, I have been asking the wrong question. The question is not who am I or who are you. It doesn’t matter. And as much as I hate to admit it, the truth of it reverberates through my heart and soul.
So let me tell you why you should listen to the things I shall offer at the seminar. I am nobody, an absolute nobody who for some crazy reason known only to God, has been given a message about hope and grace. A message that he allowed me to live out, to know intimately, painfully so that I may never forget. I speak not from a place of lofty academic summits, but from those times when the truths I gleaned from books and gathered from the mouths of learned men became a reality. I share not a story about a person who pursued God, but of a God who pursued a person, a divorced mom who had no right to speak in matters moral or ethical. I speak as one who was shown grace and the knowledge of redemption.
The message I bring, if I dare use the word message, has little and everything to do with me. But to say too much of myself is like glorifying a microphone for receiving a voice, for what is more important a bit of metal doing what it was designed to do? Or the one who designs and uses the device for greater purposes? I know I am more than a mere utensil, but with each breath I become more aware of how great he is. This is the message I bring. There is a God who adore us, adores you, and he desires to be known by you. He wants to redeem every wound, every heartache, every miserable experience you have ever known. He wants to transform them from your deepest hurt to your greatest weapon. He created you to know him, and when you know him, worship is the only response to this amazing God.
Who am I am? I am someone who messed up their life beyond all human hope of repair. I was someone who lost everything and could see no way out until he showed up. And we he appeared, when he revealed his love for me, I got lost in the chase and caught up in the pursuit. I fell in love and was loved in a way I had never known.
So why listen to what I have to say? Because the wonders of his love are too great to be contained in one life, one small existence, they must be proclaimed. Because maybe when you see him in my story you will find he was there in the middle of yours all along.
Showing posts with label worship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label worship. Show all posts
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Redeeming the Past
There are some memories that we lock away in the deepest part of ourselves. Memories too dark and traumatic to ever see the light of day, so we ignore them, push them a little deeper into ourselves and hope that no one can see. Hope that no one will ever guess that this one moment captured so pristinely in our minds but so carefully concealed touches every part of who we are, influences every decision that we make, and haunts even our happiest moments, stealing its beauty.
All of us have a memory like this, a childhood trauma – a death, a lose, abuse, or maybe even something we have done in our weaker moments. It is our greatest shame, and our deepest hurt. It seems as if our lives are divided as to what came before and what comes after. And while we may push it aside, it waits quietly in the wings waiting to leap from its rickety cage and destroy all that we have tried to build.
We try to deny that this one moment has become our defining moment. We tell ourselves that it had nothing to do with our choice to take the safe route home, avoided that relationship, or picked our college major, but it did. It always does.
We hate it for that reason, not just for the pain that it caused in that instance, but for every time we bow before it as if it happened earlier this morning. Knowing that our odd choices and decisions can never be fully explained, even to those who love us, because then we would have to admit what happened, share with another that piece of ourselves that even we can’t love. So we hide, hide from those who love us, hide from ourselves, and hope to God, He really can’t see everything.
And that’s the problem, we know that at some point, somewhere, someone is going to see right through our façade, and it scares us to death. So we live our whole lives afraid, afraid and angry. Hoping that our anger, our shell of self sufficiency, or self sacrifice, is enough to keep people just far enough away we will never be forced to deal with the issue we refuse to admit exists.
And that’s the problem, it is all about ourselves. We try to fix it alone in the dark. We hope that another self help book shoved under the edge of our mattresses will hold the key, help us create another or better cage. We think that we need to take care of this our self, that it only affects our self, and that it will all be okay with a little more self discipline, self punishment, self mutilation. Anything, as long as we can keep any one from finding out.
I can write this way because I have my own stock pile of memories, things that I did, things that were done to me. I know firsthand how they cripple us, eating away at our hopes and dreams, preventing us from reaching out to help another because we don’t even feel worthy to do that. What I did or what was done to me, doesn’t matter. Fill in the blanks with your own list for now, and perhaps one day, over a cup of coffee, I will share.
The point is the particular memory doesn’t matter. It never has. All that matters is it was enough to leave a mark on your soul. And as long as we make it our life’s goal to cover up that mark, we are denying the power of God to redeem all things to his glory. Oh, we can say we have great faith, live a life that seems to demonstrate our maturity and dependence on the Lord, but it’s all a lie and we are living a faithless life.
So how do move into a life that declares that God is faithful and capable of redeeming anything that we freely release to him? We learn how to stop hiding. We find people we can trust, and we tell them our story – every horrifying detail. We tell them the worst of what have experienced, the worst of what we have done, and we stop trying to control the consequences. We let God take care of that.
I won’t lie to you. It is the scariest thing you will ever do. You will feel bare and vulnerable. Your voice will give out, and you will convince yourself no one will ever love you if you say a word. Your head will feel as if it is going to split open like an overripe melon, all your ideas spilling like rotten pulp onto the ground. It will hurt. You will be able to feel the memory being extracted from your being, like a colossal splinter leaving your heart, and somewhere along the way, the nausea will set in. And the voices in the back of your head, the ones you have relied on for so long to keep you safe will tell you to run, not today, do it later, you need more time.
The thing is, our God deserves the highest honor we can give him. And like so many God things, this one seems so backwards to our human minds, so we give him our worst. Our worst moment, our worst pain, our worst shame. It makes no sense but this is the beauty of who He is. Because this amazing God takes all of it and redeems it, turning it into something beautiful and amazing. Our stories are transformed, becoming the reason to praise, becoming the promise of hope for others who once thought they were alone. And as we experience His healing, it our story, our testimony that becomes the means through which we participate in His redemption of not only ourselves, but the world.
All of us have a memory like this, a childhood trauma – a death, a lose, abuse, or maybe even something we have done in our weaker moments. It is our greatest shame, and our deepest hurt. It seems as if our lives are divided as to what came before and what comes after. And while we may push it aside, it waits quietly in the wings waiting to leap from its rickety cage and destroy all that we have tried to build.
We try to deny that this one moment has become our defining moment. We tell ourselves that it had nothing to do with our choice to take the safe route home, avoided that relationship, or picked our college major, but it did. It always does.
We hate it for that reason, not just for the pain that it caused in that instance, but for every time we bow before it as if it happened earlier this morning. Knowing that our odd choices and decisions can never be fully explained, even to those who love us, because then we would have to admit what happened, share with another that piece of ourselves that even we can’t love. So we hide, hide from those who love us, hide from ourselves, and hope to God, He really can’t see everything.
And that’s the problem, we know that at some point, somewhere, someone is going to see right through our façade, and it scares us to death. So we live our whole lives afraid, afraid and angry. Hoping that our anger, our shell of self sufficiency, or self sacrifice, is enough to keep people just far enough away we will never be forced to deal with the issue we refuse to admit exists.
And that’s the problem, it is all about ourselves. We try to fix it alone in the dark. We hope that another self help book shoved under the edge of our mattresses will hold the key, help us create another or better cage. We think that we need to take care of this our self, that it only affects our self, and that it will all be okay with a little more self discipline, self punishment, self mutilation. Anything, as long as we can keep any one from finding out.
I can write this way because I have my own stock pile of memories, things that I did, things that were done to me. I know firsthand how they cripple us, eating away at our hopes and dreams, preventing us from reaching out to help another because we don’t even feel worthy to do that. What I did or what was done to me, doesn’t matter. Fill in the blanks with your own list for now, and perhaps one day, over a cup of coffee, I will share.
The point is the particular memory doesn’t matter. It never has. All that matters is it was enough to leave a mark on your soul. And as long as we make it our life’s goal to cover up that mark, we are denying the power of God to redeem all things to his glory. Oh, we can say we have great faith, live a life that seems to demonstrate our maturity and dependence on the Lord, but it’s all a lie and we are living a faithless life.
So how do move into a life that declares that God is faithful and capable of redeeming anything that we freely release to him? We learn how to stop hiding. We find people we can trust, and we tell them our story – every horrifying detail. We tell them the worst of what have experienced, the worst of what we have done, and we stop trying to control the consequences. We let God take care of that.
I won’t lie to you. It is the scariest thing you will ever do. You will feel bare and vulnerable. Your voice will give out, and you will convince yourself no one will ever love you if you say a word. Your head will feel as if it is going to split open like an overripe melon, all your ideas spilling like rotten pulp onto the ground. It will hurt. You will be able to feel the memory being extracted from your being, like a colossal splinter leaving your heart, and somewhere along the way, the nausea will set in. And the voices in the back of your head, the ones you have relied on for so long to keep you safe will tell you to run, not today, do it later, you need more time.
The thing is, our God deserves the highest honor we can give him. And like so many God things, this one seems so backwards to our human minds, so we give him our worst. Our worst moment, our worst pain, our worst shame. It makes no sense but this is the beauty of who He is. Because this amazing God takes all of it and redeems it, turning it into something beautiful and amazing. Our stories are transformed, becoming the reason to praise, becoming the promise of hope for others who once thought they were alone. And as we experience His healing, it our story, our testimony that becomes the means through which we participate in His redemption of not only ourselves, but the world.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Putting it all Together – Part 12 Failing and Winning, and Gold Medal Performances
This past weekend was the Splendor and Holiness Worship Seminar in Muskogee. For those of you were not there we missed you, but for those of you who were able to make thank you for choosing to spend the afternoon with us. And lest I forget, for our readers and fans in the Norman, Dallas, and Tulsa areas, we will be in your area soon.
Nathan, Micci, and I spent a great deal of time Saturday night and Sunday discussing how the Seminar went. The largest portion of the discussion was about how you rated such an event. Do you go by attendance? People’s comments? Set up and tear down went phenomenally smoothly? Barbie did a great job MC-ing? The food was great or the technology worked? The fact that I did not fall flat on my face as I stepped onto the stage? Nathan wasn’t grouchy?(He gets that way when he doesn't get fed regularly.) The answer is yes.
The problem is what point value do you give everything.
If you looked at attendance, we would have hoped that more people would have turned out, but we were greatful those who did attend. And we have to believe that those who should have been there were the ones that God directed there. We also have to factor in that we are not the well known yet, and that we did not have large a church backing for this event. We did all through the graciousness and willingness of those few people who believed enough in our vision to get on board and help. There was some supernatural provision that we were humbled to receive.
This is, for the most part why set up and take down went so well, and the technology worked. It is why the food was delicious. People jumped in and did what they could, and it was sufficient for the need. In fact, it was greater than the need.
Some things did not surprise us. We knew that Barbie would be the perfect host for the day. She has a gift as a speaker and she presented our vision well. Not to mention that she presented Nathan and me well. (In fact, she played up my strong points so nicely that I am considering taking her dates so that she can tell my suitors just how amazing I am.) We also knew Sarah would shine as the official Pagus chef, and she did. (I am even greatful for leftovers, they made a nice lunch today.)
We knew Laurie and Tammi would pitch in and keep the behind the scene stuff rolling smoothly. We knew Calen and Crystal would do anything we asked and then some. I have yet to see the photos of the day, but I have no worries that David and Patricia will make us look good. Even our collective kids jumped in where they were needed to fill in the gaps. And good friends loaned us things like video cameras and tripods when we needed. It was truly the result of united hearts, united in vision, purpose, and love for God and his truth.
A unified people is a powerful people, able to make the impossible possible, and we did that Saturday. It was moment when we were able to operate as Christians should operate. Focused on the greatness of our God and a desire that we share our revelation of him with others.
Last night was the closing ceremonies for the Olympics, and as I consider the roller coaster ride of the last week, I think it was fitting that our timetables collided. The games are time when people who share a passion and drive come together, yes to compete, but also in celebration of the disciplines by which they live their lives.
The passion that drives them is rewarded, not always with a medal, but with the cheers of others who believe in them.
This week there was a stir about the Russian figure skater who was the only one able to jump the quadruple axle. The strength and coordination needed for that is staggering, but as impressive as it was, one great jump did not compare the artistry of the American skater. Both men competed for a medal, but as I watched their faces, I realized that one competed only for a medal. He had lost the joy and the beauty of his sport in the quest. The other man still knew the value of bringing excellence to each aspect of his program. In the end, all the nuances he brought to his performance outweighed the power of his competitor, and he walked away with the Gold.
And maybe Pagus can’t jump a quadruple axle yet, but hopefully we make up for it in our artistry. We may not have the skill or means to do it all, but what we do do, we do well.
So once again, thank you to everyone who helped make Splendor and Holiness Muskogee possible. Remember us in your prayers as we prepare for Metamorphosis – Norman on April 17, 2010. The adventure is just beginning.
Nathan, Micci, and I spent a great deal of time Saturday night and Sunday discussing how the Seminar went. The largest portion of the discussion was about how you rated such an event. Do you go by attendance? People’s comments? Set up and tear down went phenomenally smoothly? Barbie did a great job MC-ing? The food was great or the technology worked? The fact that I did not fall flat on my face as I stepped onto the stage? Nathan wasn’t grouchy?(He gets that way when he doesn't get fed regularly.) The answer is yes.
The problem is what point value do you give everything.
If you looked at attendance, we would have hoped that more people would have turned out, but we were greatful those who did attend. And we have to believe that those who should have been there were the ones that God directed there. We also have to factor in that we are not the well known yet, and that we did not have large a church backing for this event. We did all through the graciousness and willingness of those few people who believed enough in our vision to get on board and help. There was some supernatural provision that we were humbled to receive.
This is, for the most part why set up and take down went so well, and the technology worked. It is why the food was delicious. People jumped in and did what they could, and it was sufficient for the need. In fact, it was greater than the need.
Some things did not surprise us. We knew that Barbie would be the perfect host for the day. She has a gift as a speaker and she presented our vision well. Not to mention that she presented Nathan and me well. (In fact, she played up my strong points so nicely that I am considering taking her dates so that she can tell my suitors just how amazing I am.) We also knew Sarah would shine as the official Pagus chef, and she did. (I am even greatful for leftovers, they made a nice lunch today.)
We knew Laurie and Tammi would pitch in and keep the behind the scene stuff rolling smoothly. We knew Calen and Crystal would do anything we asked and then some. I have yet to see the photos of the day, but I have no worries that David and Patricia will make us look good. Even our collective kids jumped in where they were needed to fill in the gaps. And good friends loaned us things like video cameras and tripods when we needed. It was truly the result of united hearts, united in vision, purpose, and love for God and his truth.
A unified people is a powerful people, able to make the impossible possible, and we did that Saturday. It was moment when we were able to operate as Christians should operate. Focused on the greatness of our God and a desire that we share our revelation of him with others.
Last night was the closing ceremonies for the Olympics, and as I consider the roller coaster ride of the last week, I think it was fitting that our timetables collided. The games are time when people who share a passion and drive come together, yes to compete, but also in celebration of the disciplines by which they live their lives.
The passion that drives them is rewarded, not always with a medal, but with the cheers of others who believe in them.
This week there was a stir about the Russian figure skater who was the only one able to jump the quadruple axle. The strength and coordination needed for that is staggering, but as impressive as it was, one great jump did not compare the artistry of the American skater. Both men competed for a medal, but as I watched their faces, I realized that one competed only for a medal. He had lost the joy and the beauty of his sport in the quest. The other man still knew the value of bringing excellence to each aspect of his program. In the end, all the nuances he brought to his performance outweighed the power of his competitor, and he walked away with the Gold.
And maybe Pagus can’t jump a quadruple axle yet, but hopefully we make up for it in our artistry. We may not have the skill or means to do it all, but what we do do, we do well.
So once again, thank you to everyone who helped make Splendor and Holiness Muskogee possible. Remember us in your prayers as we prepare for Metamorphosis – Norman on April 17, 2010. The adventure is just beginning.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Has worship become a habit?
Sunday School at 9:30; Service at 10:45. Song service from 10:50 to 11:20; Message starts at 11:21. Congregation is in their "assigned" seats every Sunday. A three point message followed by an invitation. Does this sound like your Sunday morning church experience?
Are we following a formula, week after week, for worship? If the service is not in a specific order, have we not experienced worship? If we don't sit in the same place, week after week, have we not had fellowship with God?
Familiarity does help one to feel comfortable. Think about your favorite place to read a book. What about enjoying food at your favorite restaurant? Church should be a comfortable and familiar place. In addition, it should serve a defense against the everyday battles we experience. Old West travelers often found safety in the forts spread through the West.
How does one experience and/or find safety if everything is always the same? As Christianity is a very personal experience so is worship. Does sitting with the same group, week to week, in the same building mean you are worshipping? What about Christian growth? What about safety from the everyday battles?
After a worship service, do you feel re-equipped to fight the everyday battles? Is your spiritual strength renewed? What about your emotional strength? Can you handle the day to day blows that life inflicts?
A worship service/experience should renew your spirit, re-equip you, re-build your emotional strength. How this occurs is unique to each person. Some will be renewed via the music; the music speaks deeply to their soul. The music provides a balm to the hearer. Others strengthen their belief by listening to the message. The message addresses a need in their life. The quietness of the auditorium before the service provides solace to others. It allows them a quiet moment in their fast paced life to experience God.
The bottom line is Christian worship is not and should not be standardized. Worship should provide for each person: a place to be ministered to, spiritually fed, emotionally renewed, re-equipped to fight the daily battles.
Are we following a formula, week after week, for worship? If the service is not in a specific order, have we not experienced worship? If we don't sit in the same place, week after week, have we not had fellowship with God?
Familiarity does help one to feel comfortable. Think about your favorite place to read a book. What about enjoying food at your favorite restaurant? Church should be a comfortable and familiar place. In addition, it should serve a defense against the everyday battles we experience. Old West travelers often found safety in the forts spread through the West.
How does one experience and/or find safety if everything is always the same? As Christianity is a very personal experience so is worship. Does sitting with the same group, week to week, in the same building mean you are worshipping? What about Christian growth? What about safety from the everyday battles?
After a worship service, do you feel re-equipped to fight the everyday battles? Is your spiritual strength renewed? What about your emotional strength? Can you handle the day to day blows that life inflicts?
A worship service/experience should renew your spirit, re-equip you, re-build your emotional strength. How this occurs is unique to each person. Some will be renewed via the music; the music speaks deeply to their soul. The music provides a balm to the hearer. Others strengthen their belief by listening to the message. The message addresses a need in their life. The quietness of the auditorium before the service provides solace to others. It allows them a quiet moment in their fast paced life to experience God.
The bottom line is Christian worship is not and should not be standardized. Worship should provide for each person: a place to be ministered to, spiritually fed, emotionally renewed, re-equipped to fight the daily battles.
Monday, December 14, 2009
What is worship?
Recently I had a "church" experience that caused me to think "What is Worship?". A church member was going to play an offertory on the piano with an accompaniment CD and words displayed on the video screen. When it was mentioned it might not be possible to have the words displayed, the piano player said, "I just want a worship experience". My thought was: "I guess before there were video screens and accompaniment CDs, no worship experience was possible".
In light of this experience, I believe my question is significant: What is Worship? To have a worship experience, is it required to have video screens, CD tracks, computers and other 21st century equipment? Can worship be achieved with only a Bible? What about without a Bible?
As with salvation, worship is a uniquely personal experience. The word seems to have become a punitive delimiter to determine if a believer has experienced God during a church service - "If you didn't have a worship experience, you didn't experience God today".
Worship is a very broad, expansive term that each person must define and experience for themselves. Worship may be experienced alone, in a small group or a large congregation. Worship is encountering God where you are and having a personal interaction with God.
Worship can be as simple as experiencing a dramatic sunset "painted" by the Creator. A song that captures your Christian experience can lead to worship. Worship can be following Christ's lead to minister to non-believers in need.
As with attempting to define God, it is not easy to put a boundary around worship.
In light of this experience, I believe my question is significant: What is Worship? To have a worship experience, is it required to have video screens, CD tracks, computers and other 21st century equipment? Can worship be achieved with only a Bible? What about without a Bible?
As with salvation, worship is a uniquely personal experience. The word seems to have become a punitive delimiter to determine if a believer has experienced God during a church service - "If you didn't have a worship experience, you didn't experience God today".
Worship is a very broad, expansive term that each person must define and experience for themselves. Worship may be experienced alone, in a small group or a large congregation. Worship is encountering God where you are and having a personal interaction with God.
Worship can be as simple as experiencing a dramatic sunset "painted" by the Creator. A song that captures your Christian experience can lead to worship. Worship can be following Christ's lead to minister to non-believers in need.
As with attempting to define God, it is not easy to put a boundary around worship.
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