Thursday, March 24, 2011

The Epic Tale of Eccentric Em and Amy Kiker-your-butt and the Quest of the KXOJ Microphone

It was a dark and stormy night, (okay, really it was a lovely spring day, but this just sounds better) as Eccentric Em and her faithful sidekick (otherwise known as a decoy), Amy Kiker-your-butt, made the perilous journey to the great city of Tulsa. Together they had vowed to conquer the air waves, vanquish the silence, and subdue the forces of darkness that threatened to leave the inhabitants of northeast Oklahoma bereft of the knowledge that Pagus would be hosting the Splendor and Holiness Seminar, April 9th at the Broken Arrow Performing Arts Center. It all would be possible with the mythic KXOJ Microphone!

The two began their great odyssey on their faithful steed. (Sure, it’s just a Ford Escort, but it is white and it is pretty reliable.) Their journey fraught with obstacles great and treacherous, but undaunted our heroes pressed onward unwilling to be swayed from their great calling that now defined their very existence. They faced wild beasts that darted before them snarling and snapping their warnings that two should not pass, but they faced those rabid rabbits with a courage that even Monty Python knights could not match. They fearlessly faced down those horrible machines of war that stood in their path, threatening to make them late or prevent their journey all together. They passed through fires and floods but would not be swayed from their cause. (Alright, so it was just some farm and construction equipment, and there was a small grass fire, I promise.)

And although they were armed only with Eccentric Em’s crazy good looks, rapier wit, and knowledge of arcane trivia, along with Amy’s springloaded hair that repels evil glances, harsh words, and general bad moods, her super sonic voice of happiness that infects the listener with glee until they have no choice but to submit to her will, and her voice of doom that shatters myths and illusions, they made their way to the forbidding City Plex Towers. There they scaled to the height of the 55th floor, using suction cups and spiderwebs to swing heroically to the dizzying heights. (Fine, they had and elevator. Okay, a lot of elevators.) Where Amy stood triumphantly surveying the city below and said, “Dude, we are so not in Kansas anymore!” And then covered her face with her hands and grinned.

It was there like the knight who guarded the Grail for Indy, but not nearly as old and without the really great armor, Ed Never-Short-on-Charisma Short led them to the Oracle, wait. I mean, Cool Caryn Cruise, who presented Em with the fabled microphone while Em tried to conceal her disappointment that there was no cookies . All stood breathlessly waiting to see what Em would do with such a treasure. How long had it hung there waiting for the right person to speak into its foamy cover and change the very course of history. Amy stood at Em’s back, doing her best impression of a coat rack, and Em took her place before the mike, and . . . spoke!

Em spoke in her best impersonation of a radio person, she spoke words that would fill the airwaves of Tulsa and its surrounding communities, she spoke words that would change history, and then. . . well, they were through. It took all of about fifteen minutes and was pretty painless.

Having completed their quest, Em and Amy spent a few moments basking in the glory of the moment. They looked over the grounds of ORU and found Q’doba where they ate a meal befitting for the conquering heroes. It was good day, one to be sung of around campfires, to lull little ones off to sleep, a tale to inspire those who lack courage, and to cause evil to tremble. It is tale to be remembered with awe and wonder, but it is just one of many tales of how the courage and valor of Eccentric Em and Amy Kiker-your-butt will make the world a little better place to be, and let you sleep a little easier at night.

Disclaimer (in case you need one)- Every day in my life is an adventure when I choose to think of it as such. Amy and I went to Tulsa to record the ad, and I was so glad to have the company! And while it wasn’t nearly as momentous as I may have told it, it was a momentous event for us. It was a day where we pursued our dream and call, and day spent in the company of a friend who loves our Lord. Thank you, Ed and Karin for making the day so painless and giving us a wonderful radio ad!

So here’s your choice for the day, is it an adventure or an endurance test? How are you going to frame it in your mind? What words will you use to make it different, better, and a bit more amazing? (And by the way, it helps if you imagine John O’Hurley narrating, it even makes laundry little more exciting or lot more like Family Feud. I haven’t decided which.)

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