Sunday, March 21, 2010

Junk Sale!!! Anyone looking for a Bargain?

Anybody want to buy some of my junk? I have a few love letters that would have been touching, had they ever been written. In the box in the back we have some great romantic evenings, if we had been. On the table in the front are some beautiful engagement rings, that are stunning if only in my mind. And I will make you a special deal on the house with the green shutters and the white picket fence, that was never built. Over to your left, are few photos. Oh, they are real enough but the smiles are fake. In that basket are some beautiful handcrafted holidays, that no one bothered to finish. And on that chair is the man who I created out of bits of daydreams and glimmers of potential, I’ll throw him in free if you are willing to pay full price for the broken promises and disappointed hopes.

I know they don’t seem like much to you, but once upon a time they meant everything to me. But that story never got written, at least not how I intended it to be. Reality looked a lot different than fairy tale ending I had hoped for. You see in fairy tales, there is only one dragon to be slain before the happily ever after can begin. In real life, many must be defeated, and even then there are no guarantees.

So I am packing it all up and hauling it to the curb if I can’t find any takers. Not because they aren’t beautiful fantasies any more, but because that’s all they ever were, fantasies. The finest quality a girl can dream up, but there comes a time when you have to turn it loose. When you have realize what dreams aren’t going to come true, because if you hold on to tightly you will drown under them

The problem is that without them my house is going to look bare, and I am not for sure if I will feel at home here any longer. Maybe that is not a bad thing. Maybe we all need to clear out some room in our hearts and minds for the next big adventure. Maybe who I was when I wove the threads of this dream together isn’t who I am today. Maybe , just maybe, I out grew them.

It is hard to know which is the greater act of faith. Turning loose or hanging on. If I turn loose am I saying that God has failed to act on my behalf, that He did not hear my prayers? Am I admitting that I just don’t have the faith for Him to perform a miracle in my life, that He can’t resurrect a dead dream? Or maybe it is the turning loose that shows faith. Faith that God is not bound to my ideas of how my life should look. Maybe faith is surrendering to a greater vision of my life, one not conjured up by outdated fairy tales, but one that He has dreamt for me.

Can we trust Him with our future? Even when it doesn’t look like we planned? Can we lay aside those things we once thought we believed would make us happy and wait to experience something new?

There are times in this life when we need to stop and reevaluate the furniture of our hearts and minds. Maybe we need to do more than clear away the cobwebs and just get rid of all the junk. It doesn’t mean that we stop dreaming or hoping. It means that we learn to dream with Him, and let Him dream through us. We need to make room for the things He wants to bring into our lives, and that we turn loose of all the stuff that clutters up our hearts and minds.

We often wonder what is holding us back, why we can’t seem to take the next step forward, even when we have the desire, but so seldom do we stop look at the things that are holding us in place. The dreams that once defined us, who we thought we should be becomes weight upon our shoulders, silently condemning us for having never achieved what we somehow believed to be our right. We see ourselves through the lens of those dreams, and until we turn loose we will never be able to see the possibilities that lay before us.

So I am having a junk sale. Learning to turn loose of the stuff I really don’t need. The things that I will no longer allow to define me. I am clearing away the rubbish and making room for new treasures, because sometimes moving forward means turning loose of the past.

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